By Carol Boulware, Ph. Amazingly, recent studies have shown that more than half of all Internet visits are involved, in one way or another, with sex. And they have a lot of choices. There are addictiom oversex-related websites.
On-line sexual addiction: a contemporary enigma
They have found themselves spending more and more time at porn sites and in chat rooms, at the expense their relationships with their family and friends. They discovered that their time on the Internet pursuing sex was consuming a cjat chunk of their work time, distracting them from other activities, and pushing out, addictiln lack of time or interest, existing relationships or new relationships. What is Cybersex or Sex On-Line? Before we explore the underlying causes of on-line sex addition, it will be helpful to define some of the terms that are currently being used in discussing this subject.
For a ssx of people, on-line sex has becoming a dominant force in their lives. So powerful, in fact, that it has become a serious problem.
Who is at risk?
Many men and women are now discovering that their Internet sex has become as addictive caht alcohol or drugs. Addictiln, just as with any other substance abuse or addiction, it is wreaking havoc in their lives -- jeopardizing their jobs and imperiling their existing relationships. In fact, a recent survey of corporate management revealed that one of the leading reasons for firing employees, now, is the time they spend on-line during their workday! Other people have sfx that their obsession with on-line sex has affected the quality of their relationships with their families and contributed to their estrangement or divorce.
Sexually addicted individuals will withdraw from their social relationships. They feel they must hide their behavior because fall hotevilla arizona naughty chat fear others will condemn or reject them.
They often lose respect for themselves for acting against their own values, or standards of behavior, and assume others will also. Most addicts are afraid of losing important relationships, especially those with family members, or that family members will lose respect for them.
They may also be afraid that their friends will reject or ridicule them. But many others are trapped in a struggle between their uncontrollable urges to participate in sexual behavior via the Internet and their addicttion to regain control and balance in their lives. An Example of On-Line Sex Addiction To illustrate how compulsive on-line sex can negatively impact your life, here is an example of a couple with the following situation: the male partner had been masturbating to porn since he was a teenager.
This man derived great pleasure from his secret masturbation ritual. His partner had no idea addictipn all that he was doing this, or that he was interested in pornography.
Looking For A Fuck Girl Sex addiction chat
During the day, at work, he would search for sites he liked. Driving home after work, stressed, or sometimes bored, from his day, he looked forward to the pleasure and relaxation of chhat cybersex that evening. When he got home, he would usually tell his partner that he had work to do on the computer for the next day.
At first he spent about minute searching for porn. Then, his Internet time increased to 30 and 40 minutes, and more. He was enjoying it so much that the frequency of his on-line masturbation also increased.
Cyber Sex Addiction
By the time he fell into bed at night, his energy was thoroughly spent. When his partner wanted to make love, he had no interest, giving her excuse after excuse. Needless to say, she was hurt, upset and confused, wondering if he was having an affair. One day, she sat down at their computer to do something, and happened to notice the Browser history -- full of porn sites!
When she confronted him, sex addiction chat created a crisis in their relationship. She insisted that he stop. However, his urge was so powerful, and his habit so strong, he was soon back masturbating on-line--only now he was doing it at work! Since he had a private office, he was able to get away with it for a while. But, soon his interest in his work waned and his job performance deteriorated. Later, he was fired.
His partner, finding out about the deceit, gave him an ultimatum to go into therapy, or end their relationship. The Consequences of Addictive Behavior The social consequences of an addiction are great, whether the addiction is to a substance or if your real adult aguascalientes chat me on-line porn or chat-room sex.
Emotionally, an obsessive or compulsive individual feels hopeless and despairing. They realize they are trapped between their feelings of adviction and shame and their powerful drive to indulge their on-line sexual addiction. But underlying their compulsion is another strong desire, the desire to regain control of their lives.
It may be advisable for you to have your situation evaluated further by a professional therapist or counselor. Addictionn you visit porn sites or sex-oriented chat rooms more than 5 times a week? Do you use your computer at work to access porn sites during the day? Do you ever feel guilty, or ashamed of your on-line sexual activities? Do you keep your cybersex a secret from your mate or partner?
fantasy sex room Have you ever masturbated while watching Internet porn? Do you frequently erase your computer files to conceal your cybersex activity? Have you tried to cut down on the time you spend at sex-related sites? Have you been successful chhat cutting down the hours you spend on the Internet for sex?
Do you feel anxious or upset when you are acdiction able to access sex on-line? Do you worry that someone you know will discover your on-line sexual activities? Does it seem to you that your sex chat room friends are more ificant to you than your regular friends or family?
Does the time your spend on-line for sex, sometimes interfere with, or distract you from, your real life activities or responsibilities? Has a chat-room relationship ever progressed to phone sex, or sex in person with that individual?
Have you purchase sex-oriented materials or products on-line? Do you very much look forward to your Internet sex activities? Although this questionnaire may be an important first step to getting your cybersex behavior under control, it is not an absolute accurate measure of a cybersexual problem.
Getting Help for Cybersex Addiction I would advise anyone who is uncomfortable or concerned about their on-line sexual activities to seek further evaluation by a professional counselor or therapist. You can find one on addjction Internet or through a referral service in your area. For some people, any cyat behavior can be a symptom of an emotional or psychological problem.
Individuals with chzt pain or trauma from childhood events often exhibit problem behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive-obsessive behaviors or sex addiction. The good news is that effective, relatively short-term therapies davenport iowa dating chat sex available.
If you have been distressed about your on-line sexual behavior, and believe that you have made numerous, sincere attempts to change your behavior without success, you may benefit from seeking professional counseling. The earlier you take action to get help, the sooner the problem will be addressed and corrected.
Sex Addict Le Secret Life Online
There are step programs available for sex addiction. Their website is www. Many people find this type of program very helpful. Other options are traditional psychotherapy that delves into childhood experiences and trauma, in order to discover the root cause or causes of the problem behavior.
A relatively new therapy that is highly effective for fear-based problem free naked chatrooms and addiction is EMDR, or Eye Sez Desensitizing and Reprocessing. The good news is there are a variety of treatments available from mental health professionals, psychotherapists and counselors who have good track records with helping people regain control of their addictive behaviors.
Carol Boulware, Ph. Boulware is a psychotherapist in practice in Santa Monica and Redondo Beach. She is a member of the Independent Psychotherapy Network.